but I’ve ignored it for so long, I deserve so much better in my fucking life, in every situation. Everything I do, I make sure everyones happy, I do my best to fullful everyones wishes. Yeah I’ve made mistakes and fucked shit up a few times but no ones perfect. I can never stay made at anyone for more than a day, I always forgive everthing anyone does because as long as everyone happy, I’ll keep my shit to myself. I’ve been fucked over by like 5 people over and over. I try to be the best friend I can be to everyone who considers me as THEIR friend. The way I’ve been my ENTIRE lief has gotten me NOWHERE; except sitting in this chair and playing video games night after night with a fucked up face and hope people don’t call me because I’d rather be alone, but I go out anyway because I want to be there for my friends and don’t want to lose them. so basically I pretend my life doesn’t suck and put on a happy face everyday because I will never let anyone see me sad, because I’d rather work on keeping them happy. maybe I’ll just turn into an asshole and treat people like shit, it seems to be the cool thing these days, nice guys finish last….no, they DON’T finish at all.

well now I feel alot better, last time anyone will ever hear something like that out of me, I just needed to get it out. For the ones that this doesn’t apply to, I love you, it’s a small number but you know who you are.

maybe it’s time to listen to my parents, because it’s pretty obvious at this point that God has a plan with my life, he created the world an all, so I can trust him at least.

im going to loxahachee tomarrow and im staying until i work again, i need space from everyone right now, I’m not putting anymore time into anything thats not worth it.